Breaking Through My Barriers Part II

Yesterday, I blogged about how I got into this amazing training program called Breaking Through Barriers (BTB) conducted by Train Station and how it has been changing my life since (slowly albeit surely). Before you read this blog post, head over there first to give you a little background then go back here to read the personal barriers that I have broken down so far since attending the BTB seminar. 

photo op with my coaches and classmates after getting our certificates

Like I said before,  I won't delve into the details of how the whole training seminar went for two days. You'll have to experience it for yourself if you also want to change your life for the better. But I will share with you the changes that have been happening in my life so far. I didn't plan this. I was actually skeptic if I can do this. I had very little expectations. I just wanted to be a little bit happy or at least not sad anymore. I was so tired of always waking up with a knot in my stomach and feeling crappy and depressed all the time. But after the training,  things did happen! Things I didn't expect to happen, did happen and continue to manifest. I guess our brain really is trainable. Once you learn how to unlock that part of your brain that holds you back, the possibilities for happiness are endless! 

So here they are:

Breaking Through My Barriers Part I

It's the last quarter of the year, the last chance I have of fulfilling one of my resolutions when this year started and that is to blog some more (God knows I got a ton of travelogues lined up for this!) I used to find solace, comfort, happiness and wisdom in writing my thoughts and experiences here and in my other blogs as well. But due to time constraint, overflowing responsibilities and depression... yes, depression, I haven't been able to realize (yet) my goal of blogging regularly. Well, I hope to change that starting this month. Since I'm usually on U.S. time zone, then it's still the first of October today and I'd like to believe, this is a good start. 

Let me then begin by telling you about the cause of my happiness lately; why I've been feeling a lot perkier than usual, my mood swings seem to have stopped and I'm just able to control more how I view my life these days. Though there are still pockets of moments when I'd just suddenly feel down, I now know how to switch it the other way. Here goes...

with RR Herrera and Carelle Mangaliag (owners of Train Station)

I've been invited by my dear friend Carelle Mangaliag, owner of Train Station and a renowned Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) pioneer and master practitioner here in the Philippines, to participate in one of her amazing programs called Breaking Through Barriers (BTB), countless of times. But I'd always find an excuse not to go. Don't get me wrong, many of my excuses were valid like I'd be traveling or attending a previous engagement or the last excuse I used was when baboo Peter got sick (which was true!) after I got back from my 2-week Siargao trip. But knowing myself, if I really wanted to go or do something, I'd move heaven and earth to do it. That's my personality. I'm  a rebel that way. Anyway, I digress... 

My Reaksyon TV5 Interview on Childless Marriage

I've been crying on and off a lot lately. It was triggered by the interview I had recently with TV5 na BAKIT NGA BA WALA PA KAMING ANAK? Most importantly, WHY DON'T I WANT TO HAVE KIDS?

Background:

It was around 10 am two weeks ago when TV5 Reaksyon texted me and asked me if I'm willing to do an interview with them about having a childless marriage. Since I already did this with ABS-CBN's Umagang Kay Ganda before, I decided to say YES. It was 5:30 pm on the same day when they got here at home. For the first time, the interview was done at our front yard. Usually, when TV networks interview me for various things (see my other TV interviews on my sidebar under SEXY NOMAD ON TV!!!), we do it in our lanai. So this one's a bit different, at least location-wise in our house. Hehe.

Some shots were also done while I was playing with my drums, playing with our foosball, upstairs while working and in our bedroom but I was already too preoccupied at that time. 

Thank you, Renz Ongkiko for the fun interview and I swear, kamuka mo talaga si Hayden Kho! And thank you Journal Fabella for producing a great segment. :)

So when I got interviewed by Reaksyon TV5 a few weeks ago, I mentioned some things that I didn't get to tell ABS-CBN's Umagang Kay Ganda back in February when they also interviewed me (see videos below)... But still, I felt like I wasn't able to answer them fully. I had this lingering knot in my stomach that I felt I'd have to get to the bottom of. WHY DON'T I WANT TO HAVE KIDS?

You see, my husband, Peter, and I are 35 years old. We've been married for 11 years. And though our original plan was to not have kids (which I told him when he courted me back in 1999 because I didn't want to become a mom), I kind of hoped that my feelings about it would change. My friends told me that the "mother in me" will eventually kick in. I kept waiting and waiting for the feeling, the craving to have kids, but it never came. Every time I'd have a pregnancy scare, waiting for those lines to be positive or negative would always turn out to be the longest and scariest minutes of my life! I'd break into cold sweat, my knees would shake and my stomach would knot as if a million worms were eating my insides! 

The experience was always that terrible for me. And every time the pregnancy test turned out negative, I'd be washed over with HUGE relief! Then thoughts of doubling our condom use would pop into my head, or perhaps, not having sex at all would be the best solution. It's crazy, isn't it? I am crazy.  

Through introspection and counseling help from Peter, this NOT WANTING TO HAVE KIDS all boils down to my negative relationship with money. Here's what he said: